Taking The First Step Towards Telephonic Recovery

Prefacing today’s blog post with the following:

• • • • • We (and to extent others) define our realities
        • 2.5 Years without a day off is very unhealthy
        • Having no admin past 2 years is a mistake

I’m driven by a quest for greatness – I love learning, and lately have been learning so much more about myself and the world around me. I recognize my strengths as potential weaknesses and vice-versa. The adjective used most when people describe me is tenacious – internally I also associate this with addiction. My addiction to work isn’t drastically different than an alcoholic or drug addict when it interrupts my otherwise awesome existence. My current goal I’m striving for: BALANCE and I keep getting better every day.

Last Thursday my system crashed. Not the computer I’m typing this on; but my computer typing this. Total ch’i overload. I tweak myself like a computer and have several methods for accelerating my mind for creative and professional productivity (I’m making another blog to teach and share more about this – coming February 2011) – AND it can have it’s downsides – just like running a computer over-clocked w/o proper cooling – internal ch’i, mental, and concentrative energies can be drained. I experienced this, and to prevent further harm to my system, I disconnected ever so slightly from the grid. Somewhere in a quiet happy place inside was my soul hanging out – humming some tune about just letting me Tweet – …

The past two years w/o an adminstrative assistant has been overwhelming and I’ll be re-hiring and outsourcing like crazy as I build my business back up – seriously – taking on things I can hire out for will allow me to focus on what I need to do to succeed and to help others.

Even trying to keep up with the dozens of daily calls I receive is an idiotic vision.

I love technology and I’m addicted to communication and information. I’ve learned to discipline myself as like many others I find it easy to endlessly exhaust intellectual pursuits at times to the point of addiction.

Good things in life are worth endlessly repeating – until they interrupt other good things!

My addiction to three tools; email, telephone and even to a lesser extent Skype/Oovoo have become overwhelming for me – I know many AWESOME people and my electronic popularity gives me access to even more! Often times, calls can lead me into deep understanding and incredible shared visions – much of which will vibrate and continue to grow after calls – for the most part this is great, however it’s the part of phones, etc. that keeps drawing me back. The harm comes when I allow my enjoyment of calls to overtake my business & health – sleep, exercise, even housework and more. This is dangerous.

This has been the roughest financial year for me in 20 – I share this only as I’m AWARE that the “traditional business trinity” of phone calls, meetings and email – what many associate with necessary business steps are WHY I’m not earning. It’s a viscous cycle I’ve tried to break all year but keep circling back.

WHY can’t I just find balance or take phone breaks? I don’t know but I just can’t.

Like other addictions I manage, I need to either abstain 100% (like cigarettes; 3+ years w/o a puff!) or television/reading, which I compartmentalize into time so they don’t overrun other important life aspects. It’s incredible how many great minds I get to engage with regularly – total mental masturbation, but I must find some balance as calls for me also carry a very negative FOG side:

• • Fear - of missing an opportunity by not taking a call
  • Obligation - I’m “supposed” to or “have to” take calls
  • Guilt - Decade of self-beating over a friend’s suicide

I’ve literally allow this phone addiction to disrupt my ability to earn…

I believe we can only manage what we measure – looking through the past 2000 phone calls, I actually weighed out professional/personal – quantity/quality and percentage of calls per caller. Some of the #’s were absolutely disturbing. One friend, possibly psychopathic had personally had consumed over 10% of my total phone calls – much of which were complaints about not calling him. Yikes, reminds me of that vLog I never finished; the Story of 3 Michaels… I digress, but this and other staggering #’s enlightened me. The “energy vampires” who would call were most of my calls – it’s what’s freaking me out.

I somehow allowed my life the past several months to get overrun by toxic callers.

Less than 1% of my phone calls resulted in any net-new business. This means that 99% interrupted business. I’ve terminated 5 toxic relationships this year (this represents more terminated relationships by me from past 10 years combined) which comprised over 1/3 of my total calls. YES – over a third of my total calls (not sharing the total # of hours – it freaks even me out) were with toxic people who told me not to live my dreams. With this many people out of my life who were pushing me down, I do expect to fly soon - I’ll share it WAS technology that gave me this gift of awareness, as each of the 5 relationships I ended this year were documented! I’d stayed obligated (back to anti-FOG) to folks for a decade of hell. Maybe this is all karma from being a phone hacker (Phreaker) back decades back – and if so, I think this has been enough retribution. I already digressed – but YES all people screwing me this year I had been presented to me in audio and video “proof” as I sadly and pathetically accepted the abuse – thousands of awesome people I’ve been blessed to have met and 5 really awful ones I’m glad are out of my life.

Even with good and friendly calls (a WELCOME change from toxic ones) I allowed my life to explode.

Well, thanks for being my sounding board for psychobabble – I don’t know if anyone reads this crap or if I just place these digressive random rants all over on different websites that I remember so I can reconstruct for myself in the future (read: review as warning signs to grow from) or what – but FWIW I’ve set a goal to either compartmentalize or abandon phones by the end of this year. I’m “testing” compartmentalizing this week and trying to make it through Friday and set that as a “phone day”. I will keep my phone available for KEY family members (mother, father, grandfather, brother, daughter & Goddaughter).

My addiction to phone calls has taken its toll on my health and exhausted a great deal of my savings account. I don’t know how to find balance – so far I’m either on or off  phones – it’s VERY much a dangerous and addictive behavior – just writing that makes me think of an addict. I do need help. I know internally how to manage addiction by abstinence or compartmentalizing – considering my two day winding down post-phones, I’m thinking Friday’s are worth trying. If I don’t make it through, I’ll just turn off phones next year and live my life. My challenge is not just the calls I am “supposed” to make but more the calls I “want to” make – It’s tough, how do you tell friends that you have an addiction to phones and it’s interrupted your ability to earn? I guess the ones close enough will want me to do what’s healthiest for me and will find ways to supportively continue our relationships. Call scheduling helps me greatly.

I need to REMIND MYSELF CONSTANTLY that phones are in no way required for or in any way useful for my business and are actually interrupting it’s ability to take place.

If you care about me, DON’T CALL ME! Phuck you, Phones!

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